Mages and Templars: Dreams

Though the sky was almost completely free of clouds and the sun stood high on it's clear blue canopy, a light drizzle fell from the heavens. But it didn't seem to bother the children playing in the open fields.

Two children. A brother with his younger sister. Running around. Laughing. Playing.

His children.

Cullen smiled as he watched the two of them chase each other.

And then he heard a door close behind him.

"Mother!" both of the young children cried in joy.

He turned around, turned around so slow it seemed, too slow.

Hair the color of crushed rubies and the most blue eyes he ever saw.

He watched her mouth move as she walked towards him, the raindrops like liquid diamonds on her skin.

"Good morning love."

The morning sun shining in through the tower windows woke him up. For a moment he didn't remember where he was, his mind still remembering the dream as if it was reality, but only for a while before he realized that he was still in the Circle Tower. That it had been a dream. Just a dream...

Cullen sighed as he sat up in his bed, running his fingers through his golden hair.

The Maker was cruel to haunt him with such dreams. But surely it was his test, his chance to prove his dedication to the Chantry.

But...

Memories of her face flashed before him as soon as he closed his eyes. She had him under her spell, whether she meant to or not, and he had no idea of how to break free from it. He didn't even know if he really wanted to be free from her.

He got dressed in his templar uniform, put on his armor and let his quaters to begin another day of duties. Another day where he would guard the mages and watch for signs of corruption. Another day were his eyes would constant wander to find her burried with her books and follow here where she walked.

Her Harrowing was getting closer each day, he knew that. Neither the First Enchanter nor the Knight-Commander had spoken a word about it, but he knew. They all knew that it was soon time for her test. Time for her to prove that she was strong enough to leave her apprenticehood and become a fullfledged enchanter.

- - -

'Cullen...'

"no."

'Cullen, I love you...'

Hayden fell on her knees in front of him, wrapped her arms around his neck, her face nuzzling his neck. He could smell her hair, feel her breath against his ear.

'I love you Cullen. Don't you love me?'

"I..." I do.

No.

This wasn't her. It wasn't Hayden. This was some demon playing tricks on his mind, searching his memory to find ways to lure him to trust them, to join them.

"Go away..."

'Cullen?'

"I will not listen to anything you say, demon!" He shut his eyes tight, but he could still see her just as clearly.

'Don't send me from your side Cullen, please...'

Her hand caressed his cheek.

"Leave me alone, foul demon!"

'Fool mortal! It's voice cut through him like knived and razor claws. 'You WILL submit to us eventually!'

"Begone!"

The room was quiet once again.

Cullen let out a sigh of relief as he burried his face in gauntleted hands, his breath unsteady.

Maybe it would just be easier for him to let go. To let the demons corrupt him with his desires and the blood mages make him their thrall. He didn't have much strength left now and it was getting harder to resist. Harder to resist their offers when they would grant him his innermost wishes. What he had wanted for so long, but could never have.

Maker, he just wanted it all to end.

- - -

The sun was setting over the lake. It was the first time that he came back to Lake Calenhad since he left the Ferelden's Circle all those years ago. He never thought that he would return again. He never thought he'd return with her.

Cullen wrapped his arms around Hayden's waist, kissing her neck softly as he felt her fingers entwine with his.

"I love you."

She smiled softly, but her eyes didn't look away from the tower. "I love you too."

He watched her face, trying to memorize what had changed from the day before, what new lines he could see. "What are you thinking about?"

"About the past. About you." She paused, "About us."

Hayden closed her eyes and leaned her head against his shoulder. "All those years..."

"I know." Cullen pulled her even closer to himself, wanted to never let go of her. She wasn't wearing her Grey Warden armor, and he wasn't wearing any armor either. Just simple clothes to travel in. To blend in with. So they could see their old home without drawing any attention to the Hero of Ferelden, to a mage, to the templar travelling with her.

She opened her eyes again, and his amber eyes met her sapphire orbs. Her grip on his hands tightened for a moment before she turned around, laying her hands on top of his chest to rest, and she smiled softly.

"What..." She played with the strings on his linen shirt, "What would you name our daughter?"

He already knew what he wanted to name her. He had though about it for so long, for so many years, but... templars didn't have children. Circle-mages didn't have children. Grey Wardens couldn't have them - or so he'd been told. He had come to peace with the though that she would never be the mother of his children now, but when she first told him...

His eyes locked on hers.

But she wasn't asking this out of curiosity...

"You...?"

Hayden nodded.

"Are you sure?" He raised his hands, cradling her face, his lips curving into a smile, "I thought that the Wardens couldn't..."

"I know, I didn't either, but..." Her smile widened, her eyes glossy with tears, "I can feel her heart beat."

"Hayden..."

The Maker had granted his wish.

He leaned down then, capturing her lips with his own.

"Cullen..." Her arms wrapped around his neck and he leaned down, pressing his forehead to hers.

"I have to leave the Grey Wardens. I can't raise a child and still be their Commander." She took a deep breath, "I don't want to raise her there."

There was a lot of questions running through his mind. Where would they live? How would they be able to support a child if they didn't stay in the arling of Amaranthine? What if their daughter inherited her magic? He knew what mages went through in the Circle and he would not send his own daughter to suffer such a fate. But being an apostate without proper training, while a war was raging between templars and mages...

But Hayden already knew all this. He didn't need to tell her about all the struggles they would have, she must have already thought about it a million times, he knew that. And he didn't want her to worry about it more than she needed to, more than she already did.

"I know" he whispered to her. "It will be alright."

She smiled at him, kissing him softly.

"Does anyone know?"

"I told Nathaniel" she answered him, "I wanted to tell you first, but he needed to know that I wouldn't return to the keep. That the wardens would need a new Commander."

Cullen wrapped his arms around her tightly, his face nuzzling her shoulder. "I love you."

"I love you too," she whispered back. "More than I could ever say."