Bullets and Scars Ch. 2

The stars moved by so slowly outside the small window of the giant cruiser that Avery was now on. But even though the ship had not yet it's FTL drive engaged, she knew that they were getting further and further away from Earth with each passing minute. That with every second she was getting away from Gabe. That she was now free, that even if he could find her again, he couldn't hurt her. She was no longer his. She was free.

She knew all this and she couldn't remember the last time she felt this kind of happiness. It was probably better if she didn't remember it either. And still she felt the anxiety clawing inside of her. She was now more afraid than ever before. She had left him, left her home and all she ever knew behind her, but she still couldn't stop thinking about it. About Gabriel.

How could she be sure that he couldn't find her? That he wouldn't get her back? What if she wasn't fit to be in the military? What if they decided to send her back? They couldn't, could they?

No. She wouldn't go back. If the Alliance wouldn't have her, she could find a job on a colony on another planet, in another system, or a spacestation. She would do anything, go anywhere in the galaxy, but she wouldn't go back to Earth. She would never go back there. No matter what.

- - -

Blonde hair didn't suit her. In retrospect, it had been a bad idea to bleach her hair. It didn't suit her a one bit. It also didn't help her to prove that she wasn't a shallow and stupid as the others at BaAT seemed to think she was. And she didn't know why she cared so much about what they thought, why she thought that another haircolor would change their minds.

But what she disliked most wasn't her blonde hair, or her brown hair for that matter, or the others believing that she was shallow and didn't belong in the military. What Avery hated th emost was that she let it get to her. All of it. That she felt that she needed to change herself to get their approval. That she was still afraid that Gabe would find her. It had been over six months and she still froze everytime someone called out her name. She still looked over her shoulder every day, thinking the person behind her, that anyone she didn't recognize was following her. She still wondered if every person knew about her, that they knew him and that they were looking for her for Gabe.

She knew that she did and she hated that she didn't know how to stop. She hated that he still had power over her, that he was in her every thought and controlled her like this, even though she was millions of miles away from him.

And now she stood in front of the bathroom mirrow with a pair of scissors in her hand.

The blonde hair fell to the floor in long strands. This wasn't her. This blonde hair was a blanket to hide under. Another blanket, like her uniform, her armor, her military training. She wasn't like this. She used to be stronger. Before he broke her, she was stronger. And she was going to be again. Cutting her hair was just the first step. With every wisp of hair that she cut off, a part of her past fell to the floor, or at least that how it felt to her. She didn't forget what had happened, but she felt like she finally could leave it behind, let the past be past. It wasn't going to control her like it used to. Avery knew it wasn't going to be easy, but living in constant fear that Gabe would find her wasn't the life she wanted to live. Not when she didn't even know if he might have stopped looking for her.

The first step away from that was to cut her hair. She'd wanted  to do it for years, but Gabe wouldn't allow her. Now she did it. Because she wanted to.

Because she was free.

- - -

Her silver eyes scanned over every inch of the warship.

It was designed by both turians and humans. And not only was it one of a kind, but also the most advanced space vessel in Alliance space. Maybe in the whole galaxy even. And she was now a part of it's crew.

Avery shifted the weight of her small pack hanging over her shoulder and started walking towards the man that stood waiting for her by the airlock.

"Shepard, I presume?" he said, but it didn't really sound like a question. He stretched out his hand to greet her.

"Yes sir," she answered and shook his hand. His shake was a firm and steady one. "It's an honor to be able to serve on the Normandy under you, Captain Anderson."

"She's a beauty, isn't she?" He looked out over the ship and so did she.

"That she is."

Anderson turned to her again. "I've read your file, Shepard. You'll fit in just fine with the rest of the crew."

It didn't sound like he just said it to make her feel more comfortable or relaxed, but like the captain actually meaned it. And she had no doubt that he wouldn't say anything just to comfort one of hur subordinates.

"Thank you, sir."

"Then let me be the first to welcome you to the Normandy." He turned and started walking into the ship, not waiting for her to follow him inside.

She gave him a quick nod and hurried her steps to get inside as well.

After all those years of training and working hard on different ships with different commanding officers, teams and crews, it felt like this might be it. This was where she belonged. This was home.

The SSV Normandy.